#literally convinced im hallucinating right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

winterchimez · 4 months ago

Text

Teach Me How To Love (pt.2) | Kim Sunwoo

SUMMARY: right after you had elicited help from your best friend, who also turns out to the the fuckboy on campus, suddenly you weren't too sure if all the efforts you had put in to please the heartthrob were actually worth it anymore. that was when you realised there was much more to Sunwoo than you thought he was.

PAIRING: fuckboy!Sunwoo x g.n!reader (feat. crush!Hyunjae)

GENRE: fluff, angst, suggestive, slight horror

WARNINGS: nc-17, kissing, making out, implied sex (no smut though yall dw), reader wears a dress, petnames (sweetheart, princess, honey), Hyunjae isn't what reader thought he was oops (slightly possessive), reader is in denial of their own feelings, crying, cursing, flustered Sunwoo (and he's the gem of comedy in the fic), Sunwoo is the biggest flirt ever 😃

WORD COUNT: 4,438

A/N: happiest birthday to my one and only soulmate @from-izzy 🤞 thank you for literally being through all the chaos and madness in my daily life, from being on call with one another for an average of 6-7 hours each time we do it, from validating my thoughts 99% of the time (bcs sometimes you don't), and literally being the missing piece to my other half. fate brought us tgt and you'll forever be stuck with me for life so be prepared for that 😚💜 and big shoutout to @mosviqu @sanaxo-o for beta reading this fic for me!! (also hi... @kimsohn)

this is pt2 to the original fic here so please do read it first as this will contain major spoilers!! (yes the long awaited sequel is finally here im sorry for making yall wait for more than a year 🧍‍♀️)

Sunwoo’s POV

It was already noon, and the sun began shining directly onto the male’s face, causing him to get all frustrated as he sat up from his bed.

Sunwoo was still in denial about what happened last night. You came over to elicit his help on how to flirt and make out and basically asked for advice on how to please your date for today—the campus heartthrob Lee Hyunjae.

He knew from the back of his mind that it was definitely a bad idea from the start. He shouldn’t have agreed to do exactly what you both did last night—the way both of your bodies felt so warm and close to one another, the way your hands wrapped around him as he carried you to his bed, and the way your lips felt against his.

He couldn’t stop thinking about them—like a broken record player replaying the entire scenario. After he had convinced you that you were good enough to please Hyunjae and left, he slumped onto the couch, refusing to believe what he had just done.

All this time, he knew that you both were just friends—childhood best friends, to be exact. Neither of you had shown much more affection beyond that, and it was all cool between you two.

That was until last night.

His heartbeat was going 80 miles per hour, and he was literally going insane. To get back to his senses, he decided to call one of the girls he often slept with and invited her over so that he could forget about what had just happened and take things off his mind for a while.

He was confident that all would be fine—he just returned to his usual routine of making out with different girls, and there’s that. Whatever happened between you two was just a dream, an awkward moment between you two, and it would not affect the relationship you both have built over the years.

It turns out he was wrong, and during the entire night of making out with the girl, the only image that popped up in his mind was you. He imagined as if he was kissing you again, making you feel good as he explored your body, touching you in areas that made you feel so good—earning a series of soft moans coming out from your mouth.

But he knew it was all just a hallucination, as he now turned to his side to find the girl he invited over last night sleeping very soundly as she lay towards her side, facing away from him.

Sunwoo moved his head backwards so that it slightly bumped against the headboard of his bed. He lifted his phone to check the time and see if he had gotten any notifications for the day.

More specifically, if there were any notifications from you, that is.

When he saw that there was none, and it was already going to be 12:30 in the afternoon, he quickly went through his list of contacts and dialled someone familiar with your schedules for the day as he ran his fingers through his hair frustratingly.

“Yuna, give me the details of Y/N’s schedule for the day from A to Z.” He commanded.

Y/N’s POV

You were already drinking your third bottle of water as you waited for your date to arrive.

To be fair, you agreed to meet at the square at 12:30 p.m., but your anxiety caused you to arrive 30 minutes earlier than planned.

You elicited help from Yuna to dress you up and make you all pretty for today's date. You decided to put on the yellow flare dress that your cousin got you for the summer holidays while Yuna helped curl your hair and do your makeup for you. It has been a while since you put on a dress for yourself, but you thought it was legitimately the best outfit you own that could keep up with the campus heartthrob himself.

You had a hard time falling asleep the night before. You kept thinking about how you would please Hyunjae—wear clothes that he would like, keep up with his favourite films and food, and, of course, how you would kiss him if that ever happened.

Wait. Kiss?

Right. You elicited your best friend’s help the night before at his apartment.

You weren’t too sure what had gotten in your mind last night, but you thought that having a so-called 101 lessons on how to please a guy by passionately making out with Sunwoo would do the trick.

Your cheeks instantly heat up at the thought of it—you loved the way he touched you and how he was actually so gentle with it, contrary to his fuckboy behaviour that you have known from the surface.

His words were as sweet as nectar—luring you in as if he knew exactly what to say to please you. It took you a little while to adjust to that since you mostly just bicker with the male. However, you weren’t too upset with that sudden change of attitude, and you liked this side of him.

But that wasn’t the part that intrigued you the most—it was that kiss. His goddamn plump lips just seemingly knew how to move in sync with yours, savouring all of the flavoured lip balm that you had just applied earlier that day since you struggled with dry, cracked lips.

All of a sudden, you realised that you didn’t need it anymore, for your lips were moist by the time you got home—you didn’t even need to apply another layer before going to sleep.

You were brought back to reality when your phone started going off at your nightstand, and you picked it up to read the caller’s ID out loud.

That’s when you panicked and quickly shook your head. Your date has arrived, and he was waiting in the lobby to pick you up.

That’s right. I’m going on a date with Hyunjae. Sunwoo has nothing to do with this.

As you quickly scrambled through your belongings to check if you had gotten everything, you dashed out of the door and slammed it shut before running down to meet your date, who was already looking as flawless as ever as he sat on the couch in the lobby.

The moment both of your eyes met, you could’ve sworn that you were about to combust internally as he put on the sweetest smile that could instantly make up someone’s day.

“Morning, princess. You look absolutely stunning,” he commented as he scanned you up and down, admiring the look you had given him for the day. “I can’t believe that this is all for me.”

God, the rumours that his words could potentially send you off to space within seconds were true. “N-No! I just did the bare minimum…I was worried you weren’t going to like it…” you mumbled.

He chuckled as he leaned forward to tuck some of your hair behind your ears. “Are you crazy? You’re the most beautiful ethereal sweetheart I’ve ever set my eyes upon.”

Oh my god. Stop this Hyunjae, stop it right now.

Clearing your throat, desperately wanting to move on from this conversation, you pointed towards the exit and gestured that it was time for you both to move on with your date.

“L-Let’s go! The food bazaar isn’t going to wait for us forever!”

“You’re right,” he smiled before taking your hands and intertwining his fingers with yours. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

“Oh my god! You’re a godsend when it comes to food!” You mumbled as you chewed on your favourite strawberry tanghulu in one hand and switched your taste buds to take a bite of the cheesiest corndog Hyunjae had bought for you from the bazaar.

“I’m not called the food guru for no reason, honey. I know my food very well,” he winks as he takes in a bite of this humungous Taiwanese-styled fried chicken that he just got off fresh from one of the stalls nearby.

Hyunjae couldn’t help admiring how you looked as he kept glancing towards your direction—your glistening pink cheeks partly from the blush but also how happy you were from this little date.

If he had to be honest, he himself was nervous trying to send that text of asking you out the day before. Sure, he was aware of how you had had your eyes on him for a while, but so did the rest of the class.

However, he knew that there was something different about you, and he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was—but he knew that he just had to ask you out, and it didn’t matter if it would turn out to be great or a disaster.

Something about you has caught his eye since you first walked into class. You were different from the other girls who seemed to like him because of his good looks. You had always stood firm, telling everyone how you knew that Hyunjae was the sweetest human being you have ever laid your eyes upon—both from the outside and on the inside.

He appreciated and loved walking through the corridors on campus where he would find you talking to your friends about him—it was the smile you had on your face whenever he was mentioned.

So he did his fair share of research on you, too (not with malicious intent but to get to know you better), and found out that you had a really close childhood friend, Kim Sunwoo.

Sure enough, he would often see you hanging out with him loads back in junior year—you both were pretty much inseparable at all times, sticking close to one another throughout the entire day.

But the entire campus knew how he eventually ventured out to become the fuckboy on campus, and he would often hang out with different girls and sleep with them, causing you to spend less time with him.

If Hyunjae had to be completely honest, he wasn’t too happy about that. But who was he to judge about your relationships with one another?

That is only he knew what happened between you two the night before in Sunwoo’s apartment.

The thought of Sunwoo potentially hurting you in one way or another has been bugging him for an entire year now, and he just needed to know the answers. So he tried his best to come up with different topics to talk to you about—from the pets you both owned to your favourite TV shows until he felt it was safe and comfortable to talk about your childhood friend.

“Say, Y/N. I hope you don’t mind, and I don’t mean to pry…but what is your relationship with Kim Sunwoo?”

You were taken aback by the sudden question about Sunwoo, and your already pink cheeks from the makeup and heat were getting much brighter and more apparent, causing you to clear your throat quickly before answering your date.

“H-He’s just a childhood friend; we go all the way back. Why do you ask?”

“I can’t help but think he is somewhat hurting you somehow. I really hope he isn’t, though,” his voice deepened, making it evident that he wasn’t joking around.

“Sunwoo? Hurting me? What makes you say that?” You asked while bitting off the last strawberry from the kebab stick you held.

“Y/N, how do I put this…” he was now fidgeting his fingers on his free hand while looking at the ground. “I don’t know. You both don’t seem as close as you were back then. If I were in your shoes, I would be devastated in this situation.”

That immediately stopped you in your tracks. You just stared at your date briefly, your feet glued to the ground.

You remembered what the girls talked about the campus heartthrob himself: he reads people like an open book.

Nothing could’ve explained the sweat dripping from your head; your fingers clutching the kebab sticks for dear life as if you were being interrogated for doing something wrong.

Why did you feel that way? You couldn’t even answer that yourself.

“H-He’s- I mean- We’re fine! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You laughed, trying your best to hide the stammer and fear in your voice, but you knew that your date wasn’t buying it in one serious bit.

Knowing that the situation wasn’t getting any better, Hyunjae decided to take you away from the crowd by gripping your hand, and eventually, you both ended up on a bench at a nearby park, just sitting down to talk about everything.

“Y/N. I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” he bluntly replied.

“T-Tell you what?”

“About Sunwoo.”

Frankly, you have no idea why on earth Hyunjae was obsessed about knowing what exactly happened between you two. You were currently on a date with the campus heartthrob, and Sunwoo is just a childhood friend, so you both somehow drifted apart for some time. You didn’t see what the connection here was all about.

“Hyunjae…we’re just friends. That’s all.”

“Y/N.” His grip on your hands tightened. “As much as I want to be happy that I’m out with you on a date right now, I can’t seem to help but notice how you aren’t exactly here with me, if that makes sense. Something is bothering you, and I am upset to know that.”

“W-Well- Why are you upset, Hyunjae?”

“Because you’re hiding something from me.”

At this point, you were starting to feel a little creeped out and uncomfortable, and you had no idea why he was growing much more possessive each minute. You noticed how he was trying to get you to talk about your childhood friend, but you didn’t want to at this point.

Especially with what happened between you two last night.

With all the pressure and tension in the air, you couldn’t help but hold back the tears in your eyes as they poured down your cheeks. You couldn’t care less if you looked like an absolute mess in front of your date right now, and you knew that you could no longer ignore the excruciating pain you have been holding back since last night.

“I-I don’t know, Hyunjae. I don’t know what to feel,” you sobbed, lowering your head down to the point that your tears were now dripping onto your dress.

Hyunjae was slightly taken aback by the scene that unfolded in front of him, and he quickly pulled you in for an embrace, rubbing your back to help soothe you as best as he could before you started speaking up again.

“I’m so confused with everything…I made many preparations for you because I genuinely like you so much, Hyunjae…I have had the biggest crush on you for the longest time…but everything that happened last night…I can’t be so sure anymore…” you sobbed.

“What happened last night, Y/N? Talk to me about it,” Hyunjae reassured you with his calming voice, not knowing if it would make the situation better or worse, but he had to know.

Even if the truth would eventually crush him.

“I-I elicited help from Sunwoo…because I wanted to please you so bad as your date…but everything that unfolded last night…I-I don’t know where I stand now…”

That was enough for Hyunjae to combine the dots to paint the whole picture in his head. He knew that from the start, as he saw both of you together, there was something about your relationship that felt so different from any other pairings seen on campus.

He never once believed in fate, nor about the red thread that connects one person to another to form the seemingly perfect relationship ever. But he knew deep down within his gut that you had a thing for Sunwoo, even if you hadn’t noticed it.

It was enough to prove that even he couldn’t win over Sunwoo from you, and that little crush he had with you was slowly dying down—his heart slowly tearing apart. However, he was too nice to take you away from the one to which your heart truly belonged.

As your cries grew heavier and louder, Hyunjae could only do his best to hug you tighter, wishing he could savour this moment for as long as possible before he eventually had to let go.

He knew he would miss hearing you talking about him whenever he came close on campus, and he surely would miss admiring you from afar whenever you weren’t paying attention to him.

Knowing that you wouldn’t hear him as you were caught up in your emotions, he slowly took out your phone to send a text to a number before he turned it off and placed it back into your bag before he mumbled a few words to himself.

“Thank you for making me happy over the past year, Y/N. You truly are one of a kind.”

You had no idea how long you had been out as you slowly opened your eyes and adjusted your vision. The sun had set, and the skies were slowly turning pitch black, indicating that the day had passed by quickly.

Immediately, you felt that you were lying on something soft underneath your head, and you slowly lifted your head before you eventually sat up straight and backed away slightly from the man himself.

“You look like you have seen a ghost, Y/N.”

He couldn’t be. Why was he here? How did he know your location?

It can’t be true, and you won’t believe your eyes. So, you slowly leaned forward to pinch his cheeks, earning a yelp to show that it was a reality, not a dream.

“Ow! What the fuck was that for!” He screamed as he covered his cheek with the arm that he was spread on the back of the bench.

“W-Why are you here, Sunwoo?” You questioned, clearly still confused with the whole situation that you were in.

“What do you mean why? You texted me to come pick you up,” he answered.

Huh? You texted him? That can’t be true.

Immediately, you took your phone from your bag to click into your messages with him. Sure enough, you had sent a text to the male himself, and it was the way he had only seen the message, and it was enough to make his way towards you quickly.

Before you could even ask where exactly he knew where to find you, you clearly remembered how you both had shared your locations, and you instantly covered your face with both hands before you slumped forward.

“Oh my god…” you heaved.

There was this short silence between you two before Sunwoo eventually cleared his throat to tell you he was still here with you in case you had completely forgotten about his existence.

“That dress looks nice on you, I’ll admit that.”

“W-Well! It’s not for you, so don’t be so full of yourself- Wait, where’s Hyunjae?” You asked as you finally remembered why you had been sleeping on a bench.

As you stood up to turn your head around to scan the area, Sunwoo couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh before gripping one of your hands, causing you to turn back towards your friend.

“Listen. We need to talk.”

Oh, hell no. This is the conversation that you have been trying your best to avoid for the past 24 hours.

“W-What is there to talk about?”

“Everything.” He gently pulled your hand down so that you were sitting right beside him on the bench again, his grip tightening around you as if he didn’t want to let you go anytime soon.

“Look, I- God, this is much harder than I imagined in my head,” Sunwoo groaned as he ran his free hand through his hair, ruffling it slightly to show his frustration. “After what happened last night…that isn’t something that friends would do, and I think you know that yourself.”

Please stop talking about last night. “O-Okay…and where are we going with this?” You asked.

“Y/N. Normal friends don’t kiss and make out the way we did last night, you know that, don’t you?”

Please, just stop. “O-Okay…and?”

“So…where do we stand now? Y/N?”

God. “I- Umm- Well- What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know…literally just anything. I need to know, Y/N. I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep for the entire night because of that.”

You really wished that you could answer that question right here and then, but you weren’t too sure about your feelings. In the beginning, you were certain that Sunwoo wasn’t interested in having an actual relationship since he was out there making out with different girls weekly or even once every couple of days.

That was enough to show that he just wanted to have some fun and be as single as he could—not committed to an actual relationship—so that he could explore his needs.

Isn’t it?

“But you- umm- you’re out here sleeping with other girls-”

“I don’t just sleep around with people, Y/N. It’s because I want to learn how to please you.”

Wait, what?

You weren’t too sure if you had heard those words correctly, and you kept blinking your eyes at the male himself, making him shut his eyes as he leaned back onto the bench.

“Fuck, this is so frustrating, uh-” Sunwoo placed one of his hands to cover his eyes for a little while to regain his composure. “Y/N, wasn’t it obvious enough that the reason I have been avoiding you is because I started liking you? More than just friends at one point, I wasn’t sure if you were cool with it, and I definitely didn’t want to ruin our friendship since we were kids. Why did you think I tried my best to stop you from doing whatever we did in my apartment last night?”

No way. There was absolutely no way.

“S-Since when did you feel this way, Sunwoo?” You needed to know. You needed to see if it aligns with the timeline of when you first knew something was different about the relationship between you two.

“Since high school, senior year to be exact.”

It can’t be.

“Y-You fell first?”

“Huh?”

At this point, you both were just staring at one another in confusion. When Sunwoo finally understood what you meant, your cheeks immediately heated up once again, causing you to turn your back on him.

He fell first. There was absolutely no way he could’ve done that-

Before you had enough time to think about everything, Sunwoo instantly grabbed your shoulder and turned you back to him; his face was now mere inches away, and you could feel his breath upon you.

“Am I thinking this right? Are we on the same page, Y/N?”

“I-I don’t know-”

“Please…just tell me…it’s hurting me so bad from the inside; I need to know, even if it’s a simple nod from you,” he begged.

You were still in denial—or rather, you didn’t want to accept that Sunwoo had feelings for you for a couple of years. It couldn’t be; you were just his childhood friend and nothing else. You weren’t as attractive as the other girls he’s been with; you didn’t smile the way the girls he would often see hanging out in the school cafeteria; you weren’t as outgoing as the girls that he chose every week-

Just as you tried your best to devise a plausible excuse, Sunwoo decided to take matters into his own hands as he pulled your shoulders forward to press his lips against yours.

The way he knew he was best at.

God, it was the same sensation that you felt the night before. Those soft, plump lips made you crave for more, and how his hands felt so warm and gentle against your skin.

At that point, you knew that you didn’t have to say anything as you slowly relaxed your shoulders and eased into the kiss, parting your lips slightly for him to gain more entrance into the kiss. You returned it like he did, passionately making out in the park as if nobody was there to judge.

It had been a minute or two when you both finally broke apart to steady your breathing, Sunwoo’s fingers still resting on your cheeks and caressing them as he looked into your eyes lovingly.

“Yeah, this was way better than getting an answer from your mouth,” he smirked, earning a slap from you on his shoulders.

“You nasty, dirty-minded raccoon!”

“Can you blame me, though? I’m not known as the fuckboy on campus for nothing. Well actually, not anymore, I suppose.” For the first time, he gave you a genuine smile that you hadn't received in a while (not since you both drifted apart a year ago) as he pulled you in to place a little peck on your forehead.

“W-What do you mean, Sunwoo?”

“What I’m saying is I have already gotten my one and only right here, and I don’t have to go around sleeping with other girls anymore,” he winks.

“Gross. I never even agreed to all of this.”

“Well, you don’t have to.” He pulls in for another kiss. “I’m going to make sure that you’re not going to run away from me anymore, and we’ll figure out this whole situationship, or relationship, if that’s what you want to call it, together.”

You sighed. “B-But what if it doesn’t work out? You know it’s not easy going from childhood friends to the…you know…“L” word.”

You had no idea why you felt so shy with that last bit, and Sunwoo could immediately tell by the way you were squirming around restlessly.

“What “L” word, honey? Maybe you should teach me about it,” he grinned.

“Go look it up yourself, dumbhead.”

“Shame. And I was getting used to this new way of talking with you.”

“Disgusting.”

“You love me.”

“No, I don’t.”

With one swift movement, he scooped you up before placing you on his lap, causing you to yelp a bit before he placed both of your arms on both sides of his shoulders. He rested his hands on your hips to keep you in place, smiling at you as if he had just seen the most beautiful and precious human being he had ever laid his eyes upon throughout the past several years.

This was the moment that he had desperately been waiting for.

“I love you so much, Y/N. More than you could ever imagine.”

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @gluion @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @djidfk @Doorhak @adorhak @daisyvisions @aimeecarreros (join my permanent taglist here!)

95 notes · View notes

fadelbison · 16 days ago

Note

Your theory is funny & might work for thk engagement wise. If only jd were that great of actors 🤣 fk hornyness is a mood though

i pettily saved this ask because I *knew* my moment would come. This fandom constantly owes me so many apologies because every time I do or say anything unhinged there's always someone telling me I'm doing too much. I know I'm unhinged but it doesn't change that I'm right.

From the beginning, my theory that the JD divorce is staged has nothing to do with how well JD acts (which they do very well also btw nonnie you sent this to me pre THK release and I hope JD in THK is making you eat your words) and everything to do with just how soc med savvy Joong is and the way he manipulates every fan reaction to himself and his business to ultimately work in his favor.

Quite frankly this is simply not a divorce era and I really don't know why JD fans are so desperate to have one. The earthmix divorce era might be funny in retrospect but it was absolutely not funny to experience and JD fans should feel honored that their pair does literally The Most to keep their enclosures enriched. Though I have many many misgivings over how JD has manged to distill down a divorce era into it's most 'funnest' parts...b/c there are not many which is why the JD era was so short. And I am not looking forward to how every pair now will start having divorce eras right before their show premieres that will conveniently resolve with a nice little bow a week into the show. It's a little insulting actually.

A divorce era is months of confusion - im talking half a year of confusion, the amp up is slow and half this time is spent doing fandom infighting about whether or not its even happening because the pair is coming onto pressers and variety to promo their show or are literally actively filming the show. It's months of being like is this emo song that Earth has been using on his IG just an emo song or Does It Mean Things, is it suspicious that Mix has picked three fights with annoying fans in the same week that Earth has posted 8th grade pre-goth girl angst status updates, is it weird that Mix's responses to Earth on twitter is 26% shorter than it used to be? Then there's another contingent of fandom making complex analysis of their relationship status based literally on this metric

And then you spend another few weeks infighting except this time it's about whether or not the divorce era is over because why is Mix suddenly on Earth's treadmill?

And then you find out even more weeks after that - when you've fully convinced yourself that you surely hallucinated all of it because surely Earth's cringefail dad spirit must have always shone this bright and certainly the rate at which Edin shows up on Mix's socmed can't be a real metric to the health of EM's relationship - that it was in fact real because Mix suddenly starts sobbing over how conflict with Earth withers his soul and the force of those feelings then has Khaotung quaking in his boots and crying choked up manly tears over an imagined divorce era with First.

If you haven't been girlbossed gaslighted and gatekept by your branded pair of choice over it then im happy to inform you that they haven't had a divorce era.

#nani answers #joongdunk #earthmix #joongdunk divorce #i didn't even bring up how mix used boom to make earth jealous #because that was a personal pet theory #but he so totally did god i love gay ppl

29 notes · View notes

prentissluvr · 3 months ago

Note

HIII MARIIII

im back with big brother! sammy thoughts :333

so like im half way through season 7 and yk how sam dean and bobby are like living off the grid bc of the Leviathans, what if they were traveling with younger sibling! reader, not on no little kid type,

like teenager almost finished with high school type, and theyre trying to finish school while also trying to capture the Leviathan and keep theyre head

and sam is trying his best to keep his head with Lucifer and also catch the Leviathans while also trying to keep readers head so they dont like drop out of school??? YKWIM? this sounds so request-y I DONT MEAN FOR IT TO BE i just wanna pick your brain 🙁🙏🏽🙏🏽

anyway, love ya!

- alex ⭐️

AGHHH YAY !!! i’m just the hugest sucker for all things big brother sam sigh <33

AND DWWW this is perfect id love love to give my thoughts!!! tysm for sending this is and for providing context so i can remember LMAOOO

but i love this idea!! like i imagine having to go off the grid like. right during the last few months of readers senior year. and it’s good because you don’t have that much homework and all that, but it’s still incredibly important to get everything done so you can graduate. and i can imagine sam doing everything in his power to work with the last school you attended to have them let you finish your assignments through email almost like independent study.

and he’s doing this all while suffering with literal hallucinations😃 but he makes up this sob story (that’s obviously nothing compared to your actual situation) and he uses his perfect gentleman, super sweet older brother charm to convince them over the phone.

it’s just poor poor sam juggling all of this, fighting to keep himself, to get out of this situation, to keep everything else off your shoulders so you can focus on school. and every spare moment he tries to help you with your school work. one day, you're working on a final paper, and he's been sitting there with you, helping you edit, when he falls asleep without meaning to. he hates falling asleep. nightmares. and he'll feel awful about falling asleep on you when you need his help.

but you're alright with it. he already helped you fix the section you were unsure about, and you're almost done anyways. the rest is easy enough, and though you're exhausted out of your mind, it's nice to see sam sleep. you rarely do. you send your teacher your final draft and settle on the couch with him, too tired to get up.

sam does jolt awake from a nightmare. but he's easily grounded when he wakes, for once. you're there, your soft and sleeping form pressed against his side. you don't even stir when he flinches because your body is so exhausted. he still feels guilty when he realizes what happened, but he opens your laptop to see that you finished hours ago, not long after he fell asleep. he doesn't feel too bad. instead, he's glad to see you sleeping. you look different when you sleep, because he's gotten so used to the way that you look tired and stressed all the time now. that sends a pang through his heart when he realizes it. that overwhelming sense of protectiveness that he has for you washes over him like a damn hurricane, especially because your sleeping form looks so vulnerable. open and soft and unprotected except for him.

at least he can wrap an arm around you and fix the angle of your neck. at least you still trust him and love him and ask him for help on school assignments. at least you're there at all. sam can't wait for you to graduate. he knows that you can. he can't wait for you to have that. he can't wait to get you out of this all, if you'll let him.

#. >> asks !#. >> mooties ౨ৎ !#. >> alex ౨ৎ !#. >> sammy ♥︎ !

10 notes · View notes

1staind-3 · 4 months ago

Text

Argument hcs for blue lock 🤯🤯🤯 (half angst, half crack?)

This list includes Nagi, Reo, Aiku, Kunigami, Chigiri, and Kaiser

‼️Tw: mentions of gaslighting, cheating, dv (kaisers backstory), chigiris leg, uhmm someone says “kys” but idk what the warning is called‼️

Very badly formatted pls be warned sob

Probably like 1k words lmao

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Nagi

•y’all started arguing because he keeps dropping all his dirty clothes off by the washing machine and expecting you to wash them (green aura with dead flies)

•when he’s in an argument he responds like 5 times until he makes his point, then he just stops responding.

•he’ll just stand up, walk away and watch tv or start playing fortnite or smth

•if you follow him, still trying to talk to him, he’ll put headphones on

“Just drop it y/n, you’re letting your emotions get the better of you.”

•if you wanted to turn the argument physical, then snatch his headphones out

•he’d just stand up and look at you with a face blank with anger, waiting for you to make the next move.

“You really wanna do this, y/n?”

*locks in* nuh uh

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Reo

•yall started arguing because Reo is acting passive agressive around you, and you dont know why.

•he’ll just be saying shit like

“having fun?”

“Gee, if only you had a boyfriend to talk to… right infront of you.”

“Is he my replacement?”

•when you ask what’s wrong, he’ll say,

“Oh, nothing.” Once again, completely pissed off.

•after a week, the alpha wolf inside you SNAPPED, and you started asking him why he’s doing all this? Like what’s his problem!

“My problem? You’re always watching these stupid romcoms like you dont have a boyfriend right infront of you!! Just admit it, you’re getting bored of me. I knew it…”

•Erm… what the striker is bro going on abt??

•you replied, on the verge of laughter, that you’ve only been watching all these romcoms for an English assignment. Who would willingly watch binge watch hallmark movies while writing down notes in a notepad?

•Reo stared at you in shock, then blushed. “Really..?”

•You smiled and ushered him to sit next to you, cuddling him the second he sat down. “I know i just dissed Hallmark movies, but they’re popular for a reason… i always cry in the end. Hey, you see that guy?”

•Reo smiled back and cuddled into you, apologizing for how he acted. You apologized as well, and reminded him that there’s no need to overthink these so much, you’re not gonna get mad at him for having feelings.

(Erm… what the roleplay !! Sorry guys idk like what pov the rest of these are in 😭😭 forgibe me)

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Aiku

(Deep breath in…. Deep breath out…. Deeep breath in…. NOOOOOOOO)

•yall started arguing because you found a pair of underwear in his duffle bag… lingerie underwear…

•Aiku is literally the gaslighter of all time🔥🔥 so he’ll managed to convince you that this was all just some silly mistake.

•after that, arguing either him became really hard. He seemed to have a question or excuse for literally every problem you accuse him of

•seen him with a girl?

“Cmon y/n, ive never been to a bowling alley in my life. Who even goes there? I think you’re just being paranoid babe.”

“Want a massage?”

•seen him again with a different girl? And this time he looked you right in the eyes?

“No way babe, that’s impossible. I hate chinese food.” Then he’ll carry you to your room, feel your head and say

“You’re burning up… fevers can cause hallucinations in some people, I’m surprised you made it here without wrecking. Hey, don’t worry now, everything’s gonna be darling.”

•eventually you just stopped arguing with him about it. Or anything.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Kunigami

•yall started arguing because you feel like Kunigami’s being secretive with you, and hiding some messed up issues

•Kunigami tries his best to avoid arguments with you, but when they happen you stress him out the most in the world because he seriously has to watch what he says and does

“Im not being fu- freaking… secretive, y/n, you don’t have to know my entire life story to be with me.”

“I know… i just…what? No! I dont need fucking therapy? Dont piss me off, y/n.”

•the last thing he wants to do is hurt you, so he most of the time tries to keep his responses curt and to the point and walks out before he starts yelling.

“Im gonna take a walk, y/n. Dont follow me.”

•if you grab his arm, he’ll look back at you and repeat what he said.

“Dont. follow. me.”

• he cant let you know about wild card. He cant let you know about the person he used to be. He can’t ever, ever, let you meet shidou. He cant ever, ever, ever, let you see him cry.

•all arguments with him lead absolutely nowhere, so you’d better change your approach with him to get what your looking for out of him.

• do not, i repeat, do not ever slap/hit him. He wont hit you back, but now you’ve instantly made him lose any will to preserve your feelings and have a normal conversation

•he will think of the most foul, personal, targeted insults known to man. Lots of “kill yourself”s on his part. You two will without a doubt break up after this.

•he wont act like he didn’t feel betrayed, and he’ll touch the spot you hurt him at while he falls asleep, and tries not to cry.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Chigiri

•yall started arguing because he keeps using up all ur shampoo whenever he showers at your place

• first thing he’ll do is deny it, then pin the blame on you (darvo type sh)

•he doesn’t mean to be toxic, he just really, really, hates being wrong.

•you guys argue alot. Over basically everything.

•half the times, chigiri can admit that he was wrong, but he’ll NEVER apologize

•he doesnt really think he did anything wrong??

•when you notice that Chigiri had never ONCE apologized to you for literally anything.

“Oh really? Well that’s literally impossible but sure.”

•you told him to say sorry right now then

“Fine. Sorry.”

•then you told him to say sorry to you

“For what though?”

•eventually chigiri revealed that he doesnt apologize to people unless its something really fucked up. He doesn’t wanna just say it so lightly, because then the word becomes meaningless. A worn out formality that everyone uses when someone bumps into them at the store. It basically used to be a greeting for him back when he fucked his ankle up. they’d see his wheelchair before they saw him. Theyd say sorry before they even said his name.

•your mouth did an O and you understood instantly.

•after that, you guys argued just a little bit less

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Kaiser

•you don’t argue with kaiser

•kaiser is ALWAYS right.

•maybe if you ask him kindly for a solution to your problem, he would grace you with an answer to your plight

•but arguing back to him is unacceptable, unless you want to be grabbed by

“You dont deserve to cry.”

•is something you hear from him often.

•he’ll always somehow find a way to mention how his dad used to beat him for crying, if you start crying infront of him which you find very ominous

“How long will it take to put this in your stupid head already. Im right, you’re wrong. You’re more suited for looking pretty instead of thinking”

• after you eventually stopped talking, Kaiser decided it was time to start looking for someone who could actually entertain him

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Ty for reading !! And ik i did shitty w kaiser but i dont fucking like him so i never rlly paid attention to his personality LMAO but if yall want to give any crituque id be thankful!! Bye yall ❤️❤️

#bllk #blue lock #michael kaiser #alexis ness #blue lock manga #nagi seishiro #reo mikage #bllk fanfic #bllk hcs #bllk headcanons #ooc #kunigami rensuke #post wild card kunigami #bllk spoilers #kinda #writing #writers on tumblr

7 notes · View notes

hex-rex · 9 months ago

Text

Tl;dr at the bottom!

A. yipee i unblocked yellowjackets and just blocked most the characters im tired of 😋 and B. here is my take on everyones Lottie hate !

First, I don't get liking Misty but hating Lottie. They are both horrible people. They both killed others. They are both dealing with trauma. The only difference is Lottie killed someone you liked 😭.

Second, she has so much more character than so many of the jackets and y'all say she's bland....... huh....... She's fighting mental illness with trauma with just being crazy in general, she lit hallucinated her own ghost. Do you mean the Lottie who started not one but two cults? That Lottie?

Third, everyone in yellowjackets is crazy out of the survivors; that's the point. They survived but did they deserve to? You can't get mad at someone for being crazy when everyone is crazy!!! If you want great characters watch anything else.

Saved this for last cuz EVERYONE says this and I am so sick of it: Nat's death isn't solely Lottie's fault!

Like you can't get mad at her for going crazy when EVERYONE fed into it. Everyone encouraged her then went behind her back. Everyone enabled her and now you're mad her? Whaat?

Misty actively stabbed her with the syringe, and before you say she didn't mean to, she still was actively trying to kill someone she knew Nat actively cared about and was actively hunting Shauna. She killed many straight forward, and indirectly killed sooo many due to breaking the box.

Shauna and Tai actively encouraged her to do the hunt. They enabled her and convinced her they agreed instead of talking to her and trying to help her, and you can say it was self defense all you want, but it went on for too long. Telling your friend they're right and you believe them then getting them sent into the insane asylum? That is bad.

Van literally called off the truck? If she hadn't done that Nat would be alive......

And besides, you can't watch horror if you're gonna get mad at a death. No matter how big.

Tl;dr, Everyone is bad so you cannot hate her for being bad herself, she is anything but bland and pushes the story along so much, She is NOT the sole reason for Nat's death because everyone enabled her and participated!

#anyway 😋#made it short because I WILL actively add as people disagree. I am a firm Lottie defender. Give a good reason not to like her!!!!#Misty quigley #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets #yj #van palmer #lottie mathews #i speak

11 notes · View notes

basofy · 1 year ago

Text

some thoughts regarding joyful (not definitive)

this is more of a personal post about my relationship with this game, but i realized something important a while ago, and it's that, out of the 3 times i've played lisa the joyful, i had never played it again after changing my mind about buddy

yes i disliked her at first im so sorry, i was biased on brad and didnt like others dunking on him GHAGFSGF the first 2 times i played i didnt like buddy a lot, the 3rd time i was starting to take her more seriously but i honestly just replayed for the battles and secrets, didnt even finish it back then.

so i have to say, outside of the new content, replaying joyful felt absolutely necessary for me, after starting to emphatize more with buddy (which ive been doing for like a year and half, still never played again) and not only that but my thoughts on rando. i've been looking wrongly at him since the start becuz i thought he was simply just nice 'rando did nothing wrong' then i realized he, in fact did things wrong, and i had become a bit, hmm, disinterested in him, because i had in mind his flaws too much and it started to feel like he didnt care much about buddy. sorry if this is mean as hell rando fans, but luckily playing again gave me a different view of him. i think rando cares, he cares as much as he can but he cant just agree to everything, there are things that simply just oppose eachother and i think this eats him alive and makes him a little lame in how he handles things. i noticed he mentions the kidnapping at the start quite a lot, which he could be feeling intensely guilty about, even moreso, with the implication that buddy was assaulted, which he even asks her about right after. and even if buddy doesn't bring it up ever again, he seems still worried about this. and i liked paying attention to that. i enjoy not seeing him as perfect but he is still caring

on the topic of buddy, i started to become more and more attached to her over time and it actually pains me to think about her sometimes. much like with lisa, thinking about how they were literally just kids going through the worst makes me cry at times. during this playthrough of joyful i had something strange happen and it's that i'd get actual goosebumps reading some of the dialogue, the things buddy would say to rando, the kidnapping, the flavor text in battles and things the enemies would say to her. i think i finally played joyful like i was supposed to and im happy about that, im rly feeling like drawing buddy and rando now. theyre not perfect siblings but it's good to be assured that they cared about eachother, i needed that

another thing i rly rly needed since a long while ago was to cry for lisa again, i played the brad hallucination fight in spanish (only that part, cuz i wanted to see how the name 'chiqui' got handled) and it made me cry so bad, especially i noticed that right after the dialogue where brad tells buddy to not call him dad, his next phase is literally named 'dad', i never paid attention to that. but anyway it seems this game affects me more if i play in spanish, might be because the first time i played it was the fan translation, very nostalgic. some bits of the new content in painful and joyful made me cry, too, mostly the lisa bits. even if there are some things im not convinced by, i know im thankful for that, idk, i like getting emotional and crying, this game means a lot to me, but for a while i could only cry if at some point i started thinking about it too much, i couldn't cry while playing, so this was nice, im a sensitive and lame guy

#lisa rpg #long post #sorry for being BIASED AS HELL the first time i played #just know that i got cured and buddy hate is no more #never againnn #i practically stopped being mad at her considerably soon #yet still never played it again #maybe cuz joyful doesnt have a lot to explore #funny that it lacks so much and yet it's still enjoyable at least to me #it's also very pretty #maybe ill talk about the new content later i still wanna rewatch it first #i think what happened on my first playthroughs is that the first time i played simply for completion #to know how the story ended #and then it was more about exploration of the game and what did it have to offer #rather than studying the characters #which i started doing later by reading the stuff other fans would say #lisa ramblings

20 notes · View notes

hauntedkkitty · 2 years ago

Text

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane

#questioning system #dissociative identity disorder #other specified dissociative disorder #osdd #system #did osdd #osdd system #did system #system help #plurality #dear GOD please show up in the tags #sorry if im using the wrong tags or terms or anything #im not used to tumblr

16 notes · View notes

csaventing · 1 year ago

Note

tonight has been the worst night of my god damn life. i hate the holidays so much. multiple men, my family members, show up to my house and i wasn't able to sleep because of how stressed out i was, i got three hours of sleep in total for the past three days while they were over and that doesnt even count the plenty of sleepless nights i already get. quite literally hallucinated shit because i was so sleep deprived, which finally convinced me to actually try and sleep. now im stuck at my fathers house for an unknown amount of time, and the entire time i have been zoned out and afraid of sleeping. not digging into it. i get terrible enough flashbacks when im away from him. and now i find out that a 17, soon to be 18 year old, in TWO DAYs, is attracted to me. someone who isnt even over the age of 16. the first thing i did was immediately relapse and i felt so sick i almost vomited! i wish someone would euthanize me on the spot right now becasue i would rather die then wake up to the consequences of my stupid relapse, im gonna have sm limited movement tomorrow i might as well just be a corpse for fucks sake im so done with thisi want to be normal and i want to stop these flashbacks i know my dad wouold never do that but why do i have memories of it why did i react so violently like it had happened before someone kill me

#survivor #tw csa implied #tw csa #csa vent #trauma vent #actually traumatized #trauma #tw csa mention #tw csa vent #tw death #tw sui vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui talk

2 notes · View notes

wooyoungisbaby · 5 months ago

Text

*ahem*

hwa: Dommy mommy Hwa? sign me the fuck uP. These words you speak remind me of twitter user hwcberry's art :')

(I can't stop imagining mommy!hwa taking care of the members when they're sad and miss home, are stressed from too much work and too little sleep etc ;_; Just, woo/san/yeosang/[name] crying into his tiddies as he pets and reassures them, coos over them, and then probably rails them to make it all better.)

i Need seonghwa's cock and strap Right Now actually byeeee

love the contrast between elegant dom hwa and messy sub hwa =u=

listen i just really love the hc that Seonghwa is super sensitive and might cum prematurely asdskjasdjkdaskj

THEre's just something about his body that looks like he'd be so so sensitive ; o; i cant explain it more than that dhfshs

like if you want to do a long scene together; it’s so easy to just get a quick orgasm out of him and then have a real fucking hyper-sensitive Seonghwa at your disposal for the remainder of the night uwu

this fucking SENT me, there's something so mean (affectionate) about treating a sub's body like they're something to be toyed with and made to do things just for the dom's amusement. smth smth light objectification,

strongly agree that he'd have a very hard time hiding how good he feels >u> you know that sorrowful looking crease he gets in between his eyebrows when he sings smth particularly high? yeah.

hongjoong: YEa he very much has the vibe of someone who will be a bit of a meanie, but will immediately drop the act and make sure you're okay if you he gets even the slightest sense that you aren't enjoying it. he's actually so so polite and, more importantly, genuinely caring, and he'd do his absolute best to only do things both of you actually enjoy ; ;

but watching you go from all immaculate and put-together to a depraved begging mess

EXACTLY and thats why he's such a good match with seonghwa :)

every single thing you said about sub joong, [chef's kiss emoji]. i don't think i've actually seen any sassy brat hongjoong fics, but now i wanna >U>

yunho:

also unless i hallucinated that whole thing; Yunho has said he likes hearing atiny whine his name (sir?!?!?!?)

NO i remember this too. the menace. and yet i can't help but feel like he's pretty vanilla. it always seems just a bit off to me when he's written as a hard, mean dom (no hate to those that live their truth though 💯💯💯). his eyes just look soft and light in a way i can't imagine ever changing, even though i've literally seen them change when he's on stage lol. but like, in his own personal life? im not convinced. ig i'll have to keep reading hard dom yunho things for research purposes :3c

he gets off on how much you get off on having his hands around your neck

see now that you say this, i can very much imagine him enjoying things he doesn't personally care for, only because his partner is visibly/audibly affected >:3

ACK smol yunho ;A; he deserves to feel so so small and cute always!!!

i think he would be SUCH a good boy, just as you said =u= all big pleading emoji eyes and whimpers. he deserves the world ;A;

yeo:

so tbh it’s much easier for me to picture Yeosang as a sub

ok Mood,

curiosity-driven dom Yeosang

OH keep talking 👀

:O whah... i really like that section about him. he might manage to accidentally work his way into the pain side of things without meaning to[edit: OH you literally said this right after lmaooo], but if his partner likes it, he'll have absolutely no desire to stop. he wants to know all he can about their body! :')

can’t sit or lay still if you’re worshiping that gorgeous body or giving head; you’re gonna have to hold him down to stop his fidgety squirming uwu

uhhhhh Bondage ✨ that's all. actually that's not all, he should be tied down so thoroughly that he can barely even squirm, so his partner has a nice and easy time manipulating his body in the best way they know how, all but forcing him to be still and take it, and make beautiful sounds for them. ...who said that,

san: SIMP SAN REAL !!!!

you already know i live for every single sub!san word that comes out of your mouth (and atp dom!san words too) so im moving on,

mingi:

maybe he doesn’t even mean to dom you but he’s so desperate for it he just can’t wait and ends up overwhelming you and it’s lowkey kinda clumsy but very sweet and oh god he just wants you so so bad 🥺

i died :) ty

no fr thats SO fucking cute and i can totally see it especially with less experienced mingi :'))

don’t be too mean abt it tho :( remember he’s a princess :(((

yea!!! his partner should only keep going until he's sobbing a little bit >:3c

if he’s domming you and you’re in the mood to turn the tables? this man’s switch is flipped in an INSTANT you just gotta yank his hair hard and spew out some filthy degradation and he’s putty in your hands

YES he'd melt instantly oh my gosh. i just think he's always in the mood to sub. and im right :3

have you seen his giggles and smiles when the other members compliment him???

not a day goes by where i don't think about this wooyoung. he was so happy he couldnt help but be silly about it T_T <3

(this may be a semi-spoiler 👀)

OH WORM??

im losing commenting-steam but ACH K sub jongho being well behaved.....what a dreamy little guy i love him and ilu too MWAH <3

SUB / DOM ATEEZ HARD THOUGHTS

@wooyoungisbaby Isak asked abt dom / sub thoughts for the guys, and my rambling got out of hand. as it always does lol. self-control? we don’t know her

(ik you suggested to do this for the whiway au but! then i wouldn’t be able to talk abt sub Yunho :( & i can’t not talk abt sub Yunho :((( so these are just general thoughts abt the guys hehe~ ฅV●ᴥ●Vฅ)

sooooooo i am a huge switch-teez enthusiast; and this is essentially a bullet-point dissertation w/ a selection of d/s thoughts for each of the guys that make me go particularly 👀 they’re not meant to be speculation abt the guys’ preferences, just things that are very easy for me to imagine & that i think would be very very hot of them (｡◝‿◜｡)

warnings: dom / sub themes obv. also mentions of; penetrative sex, overstimulation, oral, ass eating, mommy kink, lingerie (on Hwa), riding crop, strap-on, DP in unspecified holes, dacryphilia, shibari / bondage, premature ejaculation, hair-pulling, drooling, sadism, corruption kink, brat taming, sugar daddy vibes, jewelry on reader, hand kink, implied choking, fingering (again unspecified holes), edging, puppy play, role play (including cnc for Yunho but no in-depth details), cockwarming, marking / bruises, blindfolds, pain kink, praise kink, dry humping, degradation kink, orgasm denial, dirty talk, biting, hair pulling, face sitting

a/n: gender neutral reader. genitalia are mentioned once w/ options. implied double anal penetration in absence of a puss, implied pegging in absence of a cock. there is a brief mention that reader could wear heels if they wanted for a scenario.

also my Yunho bias shows hard x_x i tried to keep the lengths under control but i just let myself go for his and i shall not apologise for it asdskjdasjk

⩥ SEONGHWA

Dom:

whether he is soft & gentle or hard & mean, Seonghwa is always elegant

even with sweat dripping off his nose from the exertion of fucking into you, even with his lower face covered in slick from eating pussy or cum dribbling down his chin from sucking dick, he is the most graceful dom to ever walk this earth

his long tongue is a blessing but his technique and dedication are divinity

you WILL get overstimulated

yes i have the mommy Seonghwa brainrot. yes i like imagining him in lingerie and a corset and make-up and heels while he’s in utter and complete control

to finish the look; riding crop??? riding crop.

also idk why but the thought of Hwa with a strap-on makes me so fucking dizzy. this man fucking you w/ two cocks at once

his strap would be so sleek and elegant too just like him

matches his favourite lingerie probably; Hwa is dedicated to the aesthetics

speaking of aesthetics; shibari (that’s it that’s the tweet)

saccharine sweet if you earn it

Sub:

fucking pathetic sloppy mess as a sub

listen i just really love the hc that Seonghwa is super sensitive and might cum prematurely asdskjasdjkdaskj

will prob cum from just being manhandled into giving head if he can get even just a lil friction going somewhere 👀 as a sub he likes to get sloppy, loves having his hair pulled

(ass, cock or pussy, this man gets drunk on it)

tie him up for maximum effect

cries so easily 🥺

can’t hide a thing, every ounce of pleasure shows on his face like an open book

hiccups and sobs and bite-swollen lips bc he keeps gnawing at his bottom lip, so so easily overwhelmed

…again; lingerie. put him in thigh-highs and knead at the soft flesh and cover those thighs all over w/ bites and hickeys

⩥ HONGJOONG

Dom:

listen…………we all know that grin………………………………………

what kind of world do we live in if our captain is not at least a tiny bit of a sadist??

lives to hear you beg

degradation as praise? praise as degradation? the line between being praised and being demeaned is soooo fucking razor-thin w/ this man

100% on purpose he likes it when you can’t tell for sure

(tho he is super cognisant of your state of mind. if he sees the doubt is genuinely getting to you, you’re getting a dose of pure unmistakable praise to settle you down)

he’ll happily tame a brat but he looooves ruining a sub who is already pliant for him. just to be mean.

i’m all aboard the Hongjoong corruption kink agenda

not even necessarily in a ‘you are inexperienced’ way (tho he can work w/ that 👀)

but watching you go from all immaculate and put-together to a depraved begging mess

yep

that does it for him

likes giving you jewelry to wear during sex. delicate body-chains and pretty necklaces that bounce when he fucks you. lowkey sugar daddy vibes; he loves seeing you decked out, but he esp loves seeing you decked out in things he bought you

Sub:

so while i love the image of Hongjoong offering himself up on a silver platter to you w/ a crooked grin; tbh i feel like he has potential to be a sub who outbrats even Wooyoung if he is In A Mood

the SASS on this man!!!

but once you break that snarky attitude? dear god the whines coming out of him ♨_♨

(listen do not be surprised if i use some variation of the word ‘whiny’ in every single sub section bc i know what i like and i am shameless abt it asdkjasdj)

noisy squirmy boi

on his elbows and knees, biting at the sheets as he gets fucked hard from behind, going slack-jawed and drooling on the bed as you wreck him into a stupor

fucked into complete physical exhaustion in the direct aftermath — but let him have a quick nap and his energy is like… he might still be tired but he’s also feeling so replenished? esp mentally

if he’s recently had a lot of on his mind then you might be treated to deep philosophical musings during the aftercare abt the world, the universe, life and everything

⩥ YUNHO

Dom:

i get pulled so hard into two directions w/ this man pls it’s not funny anymore i need HELP

he’s both the softest vanilla and the hardest freakiest dom out of the bunch to me, he's got my brain spinning

listen yall we all know how willingly Yunho indulges the fandom’s massive hard-on for his hands, imagine what he’ll do if he’s your partner ♨_♨

he gets off on how much you get off on having his hands around your neck

also unless i hallucinated that whole thing; Yunho has said he likes hearing atiny whine his name (sir?!?!?!?) so I'm gonna say he's a tease even when he's soft with you

takes you to the brink with those long fingers over and over again, pretends the edging is by accident

presses sweet kisses on your forehead or your tummy or your thighs as he laughs softly at your whining but points out he needs to get you prepped first for what he's packing; he just doesn't want to hurt you uwu

whether it is sincere sweetness or w/ an edge of mocking, depends entirely on his mood

(fake sweet Yunho my beloved ;;)

you're not fooled by his shenanigans but there's little you can do except gasp and squirm under him as his fingers press against your sweet spot again

still he’ll praise you every step of the way, and the payoff is more than worth it, he always makes sure of that

ok so the next thing isn’t really a dom / sub thing but it’s going somewhere that is, pls hear me out;

Yunho is totally up for some playful rp; he’ll do cheesy porn set-ups w/ you except he cannot keep a straight face through them to save his life lol. very lighthearted silly giggly sex that still makes your toes curl

he can keep a straight face through a very different type of role play; cnc

it’s not uncommon for Yunho to try and make you laugh during sex if a moment presents itself — but here he fully sinks into the role and there won’t be any light-heartedness until the aftercare,

and then you’ll be giggling twice as much as usual, once the timing is right ;;

the aftercare giggles are for Yunho’s benefit too; he needs to make and see you smile & laugh to feel like he’s fully come back into himself. to regain the right emotional equilibrium after taking on such an intense role

then he’s your sweet smiley golden retriever again ;;

might just fuck you again if you both have the energy, sweet and soft and slow this time ♡

Sub:

OKAY SO FIRST THINGS FIRST i gotta bring up that video in which Seonghwa and Wooyoung wear heels for a shoot and they joke around abt their heights — but then Yunho turns to the camera and whispers he’d like to be small; bc he’d be cute!!!

he’s always been pocket-sized in spirit to me so that had me by the throat asdkjasdkjd

so yeah i like to think he enjoys feeling small as a sub! not in a demeaning way, not even in a physical way necessarily!

(tho to be down on his knees in front of a dom who is either pretty tall or wearing heels (or both) does make him feel fantastically fuzzy)

no, it’s more like a cute lil pup who’s getting spoiled bc he’s a good boy uwu

(actual petplay optional~ ฅV●ᴥ●Vฅ)

love a sub Yunho who’s soft and well-behaved

and he wants to be! he wants to be a good boy and get pampered by his dom!! but sometimes his big golden retriever energy gets the better of him oop

(the video clip of a literal child scolding Yunho because “this hyung just won’t listen to me” lives in my head rent-free.)

and Yunho just can't always fight his brain when it sends him a fun impulse askdjdaskjsd

but it only takes gentle steering to get him back on track; like i said, he wants to be well-behaved for you 🥺

ok but to circle back to the puppy play

Yunho who loves being your good boy and is so playful and sweet — but he obediently lets you take your time to work him up and get him desperate

big brown eyes shimmering at you as you scratch him behind the ears while stroking his big hard cock

begging you to let him fuck you, to just let him inside you

so you sit in his lap and cockwarm him but you can tell it’s not enough, gets teary-eyed and he bites his lip to stop himself from whining bc you’re already giving him so much and he wants to be good

so you have mercy on him and let him fuck you from behind — if he makes you cum first

now there’s a demand Yunho can work with

usually he’s a hands-on guy but in puppy mode he prefers using his mouth and tongue. so he’s snugly between your thighs, getting himself messy. constant eye-contact as he peeks up at you, massaging your thighs and maybe even leaving a bite if he’s feeling cheeky — but he knows better than to tease too much

he is so far gone by the time he’s finally allowed to fuck you that he can’t do anything but mindlessly rut until he cums hard, gasping and shaking

still he makes sure not to collapse on top of you, instead slides off to the side and pulls you into his arms for a snuggle 🥺

(see Isak i wasn’t kidding abt whipping up a 1k essay just for Yunho alone! lol oop)

⩥ YEOSANG

Dom:

so tbh it’s much easier for me to picture Yeosang as a sub, but i do have this very specific idea for him that i can’t get out of my head of like

curiosity-driven dom Yeosang

maybe he was a lil shy at first, cautiously exploring your body and testing your reactions, but his eyes just lit up with intrigue when you let out a loud moan he didn't expect

that moment kick-starts it all, with him becoming bolder and bolder to seek out any other responses to his touch

do you moan when he kisses you here? do you gasp at a bite there? squirm when he pinches here?

and he never grows satisfied as he maps out your responses to pleasure — and pain, if you are so inclined

Yeosang stumbles into the whole pain play thing purely by accident but it’s barely even abt the sadism for him? if that makes sense?? it’s all about you and your arousal and the wide range of pleasure he can draw from you

he just wants to know

there’s always this sense of wonder abt him and his sparkling eyes when he’s playing w/ you

he probably gets even more experimental as time passes, actively on the look-out for new things he can try out

you’ll just be having a quiet evening and Yeosang comes up to you w/ that adorable small smile that on a surface level is full of innocence

but no he’s cutely excited to show you some obscure toy he found online and wants to know if you’re onboard ^^

Sub:

so vocal (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

shy but has a reeeaaaally hard time holding himself back if he’s overwhelmed

seriously so so noisy w/ lil whimpers and moans and quiet hitches of his breath. takes a bit for him to truly get loud, but dear god you’re still treated to a goddamn symphonic masterpiece of delectable noises

speaking of getting him loud 👀

if Yeosang trusts you but there’s some last remnant of shyness that he needs to shake off

he loves getting blindfolded

not seeing anything makes it easier for him to get lost in the pleasure; if nothing else exists in the world except you and your touch, he has nothing to be self-conscious of

that’s where he can get loud

can’t sit or lay still if you’re worshiping that gorgeous body or giving head; you’re gonna have to hold him down to stop his fidgety squirming uwu

gets flushed easily too

bruises like a peach and tho he gets shy abt marks in visible places, he lowkey loves it when you treat his chest like a blank canvas

pls gently brush his hair back & give his birth mark a lil peck during the aftercare okay? 🥺

⩥ SAN

Dom:

is it cheeky to say “just read whichever way”? it is?? okay alright lol

no but okay this man is dripping w/ care & devotion i want him SIMPING!!!

he LIVES for the praise and the validation, all it takes is a lil bit of encouragement and positive enforcement; and he may be the dom but you’ve still got him wrapped around your finger

while he can be the softest of soft service doms, it doesn’t take much to get San a lil rougher w/ you; he gets amped up easily and loves using his strength to your advantage

but you want him to be a mean dom? you can get him there but you’ll have to WORK for it by riling him the fuck up w/ some attitude bc this man’s natural instincts are to just please you all through the night (´︶｀)

San also loves to surprise-pin you against the wall. there’s just smth abt the spontaneity and passion of the moment that gets him going hard

depending on his mood he could either fuck you right then and there, or ravish you only to pull away w/ a smug, self-satisfied grin at how wrecked you are from just making out and a bit of dry-humping

(he’ll be back. San is too horned up to not finish the job)

Sub:

MAKE! HIM!! WHIMPER!!! AND CRY!!!!!!!

no but seriously a flushed Sannie pouting up at you when you deny him again 🥺

just the thought of him as like

a very very soft sub who yearns to get fucking wrecked by you 🥺

make him whine and writhe until he can’t handle it anymore and tears begin to streak down his cheeks

body worship melts this man into a fucking puddle and yes i am also talking abt tittie appreciation here

he always wants to be so strong and reliable for others but here in your care is where he can let all of that go 🥺 and just break down until you put him together again 🥺

SO MUCH CUDDLING IN THE AFTERCARE

YOU COULDN’T GET OUT OF HIS ARMS IF YOU TRIED

PLS DON’T TRY; JUST LOVINGLY STROKE HIS HAIR AND WHISPER SWEET PRAISES AT HIM 🥺🥺🥺

⩥ MINGI

Dom:

okay so i also get pulled so hard into two very different directions when it comes to dom Mingi askjasdjkdsa

one is Mingi the needy mess

BUT THEN THERE IS

Mingi w/ his damn cocky on-stage energy?? and he’s intense and confident and knows what he wants??? (you, ruined)

like idk either way i have many feelings abt dom Mingi being super intense and he will overwhelm you either way, either by accident or by design

just strap in tight bc he wants to hear you ♨_♨

very vocal himself too. i like the thought of him spewing filth at you first but very quickly losing the capacity for any coherent dirty talk

still

you will hear him too OOF

high & whiny or low & raspy? y e s

Sub:

PRINCESS MINGIIIIIII!!!! (♡°▽°♡)

spoil him give him whatever the hell his heart desires!!!!!! again a NOISY MESS!!! tears up easily but doesn’t like to admit he’s crying uwu

gets even more discombobulated than as a dom hehe~

however

much like his buddy Yunho, i don't think Mingi often deliberately tries to misbehave

but he can get a bit sulky sometimes if he feels neglected

or, on the other side of the spectrum, just a touch too confident if he’s gotten too used to you giving him exactly what he wants and starts treating it as a given, or makes lil jokes abt it

it edges against that cockiness again but tbh it’s also lowkey endearing on him as a sub; his blind faith in your devotion to his pleasure

but you may choose to give him a lil reminder of who is actually in charge ♡ denying him a few times until he’s whining and babbling incoherently at you should do the trick perfectly ♡♡♡

don’t be too mean abt it tho :( remember he’s a princess :(((

⩥ WOOYOUNG

Dom:

OKAY SO YES ISAK I’M FULLY W/ YOU ON THE BRAT THING

like i said truly my favourite flavour of dom Wooyoung is a fucking tease of a menace who isn’t so much a dom as a brat who hasn’t been tamed yet

brace yourself if he’s got you tied up tho lol. he is gonna enjoy himself :3

honestly he should change his home-address bc this man lives w/ his face between your thighs. gets so fucking drunk on you but never so much that he ever stops his teasing

a true edging enthusiast

hope you like bite-marks on your skin lol

and yet…

and yet i have a big soft spot for soft dom Woo too 🥺

who takes care of you after you’ve had a long, frustrating day 🥺

i feel like he could bigtime spoil and pamper his partners if he feels they really need it 🥺 he might still tease you a lil but it’s only to get you out of your head, maybe even just to make you laugh 🥺

Sub:

love a sub Wooyoung who balances a praise and a degradation kink like he’s walking a tightrope uwu

like we all talk abt his degradation kink bc of course we do!! with good reason!!! but have you seen his giggles and smiles when the other members compliment him???

sometimes he doesn’t even know himself what he’s in the mood for today — or so he tells himself. any bratty urges will make themselves known real damn obvious within mere seconds lol

instigator to the max

initiates phone sex w/ you and then hangs up on you just before it Gets Good just to rile you up (this may be a semi-spoiler 👀)

but he loves the combo special where he brats out to his heart’s content first, gets humiliated and/or punished for his trouble, but oh boy then his mood turns and he eats it UP to get praised for being such a good boy now (´꒳`∗)

will beg you to ride his face

(he’ll have you riding his face as a dom too, he just won’t be begging 👀)

⩥ JONGHO

Dom:

so i actually love love love gentle soft dom Jongho 🥺 but i decided to focus on the flip side for this post

hard dom Jongho who has a mean streak and looooooves to tease the fuck out of you. he doesn’t even need to verbally degrade you (tho he might); you hear his cocky chuckle and know exactly what a pathetic mess he thinks you are for him

but gets soft and SUPER ADORABLE in the aftercare??? just imagine this man fucking you within an inch of your life and then he cleans you up after

and gives you that sweet gummy smile while he’s literally wiping his cum off your body w/ a warm cloth???

giggles when you exhaustedly call him a menace or praise him?????

god i just perished

he loves playing it nonchalant too tho. having you between his legs sucking him off, looking down at your teary eyes and swollen lips bobbing up and down his fat cock like he dgaf

don’t let him fool you — watch for how tightly his hands are clenched into fists

Sub:

just wanna spoil & baby him :( def feel Jongho has to be ‘in the mood’ to sub, but then pls just be so soft with him and take care of him and make him feel good :(

he’d generally be a very soft, well-behaved sub;

he feels that if subbing is the role he’s taking on, then submissiveness is the role he’s taking on, youknow it’s almost matter-of-factly for him

THAT BEING SAID; Jongho is still Jongho and won’t keep his mouth shut if he feels you’re doing or saying smth that deserves to be teased abt or made fun of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

your response needs to be a lil calculated;

he doesn’t really enjoy being outright punished or treated as a brat too much. prob feels it’s undignified lol

…unless he’s already super far gone 👀

so the secret here is to pretend you’re letting his teasing slide — until he’s at the fucking brink and then he’ll accept you laying on a lil bit of punishment as payback 👀

he’s not super loud in bed but you’ll get the prettiest lil breathy gasps and moans out of him asjksdjkdsajkdajs

#igbylicious

882 notes · View notes

multiplicity-positivity · 2 years ago

Note

hi, i dont use tumblr ask stuff often so i dont really know how im supposed to start this but i was hoping you could help me figure myself out a little since i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this lol...

i think im going to send this to a good couple system help type blogs to try and figure this out cause i need Help

i am a minor with cptsd and audhd. i am physically and mentally disabled [dyscalculia]. i have been suicidal for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back]. i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while [memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there] or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die. i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living. i didnt actually know what the word "suicidal" meant. one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and i answered back "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough] and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin because holy Shit a disembodied voice is speaking to me telling me about my deepeet darkest secrets. i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look. i dont know if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of information [???] like. i saw its eyes [red, part of the reason i was convinced it was a demon] and got the fact that its fem looking and got the info that it Knows me and it Knows more [sorry if this doesnt make sense], some personality facts[?], and that its older than me?? i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did. i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel it there like rhe way you know when someones staring at you]. i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do. i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was. i asked another did/osdd blog abt this before and they said for me to look into bpd or aspd but i cant find the blog anymore

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

anyways i was hoping you could shed some light on this in literally anyway you could.

if you think it was an alter could you Please tell me anyway i could try and contact it or anything at all

if not Do you have Any idea what it was...

thank you for reading all this either way

Hello! So this is something we can’t figure out for you - you’ll have to learn more about yourself in your own way. We know you said you don’t have access to a therapist or psychologist, but it sounds like you could really use one! Even if you’re not a system, dealing with something serious like CPTSD can be overwhelming, daunting, and scary on your own, especially when coupled with other disorders or neurodivergencies.

If you’re in school, do you have access to a school counselor, therapist, social worker, or trusted teacher? Talking to an adult you trust about this may be incredibly beneficial for you. It’s so hard to learn what mental illnesses may affect you and heal from complex trauma without any outside help! Be careful though - if it’s not safe at home you wouldn’t want to share this information with an adult who will tell your parents without your consent.

While we can’t and don’t want to diagnose you, we will say that this sounds like it could be a system experience. Before we knew we were a system, our host would occasionally experience what he thought were auditory and visual hallucinations as the rest of us tried to make contact with him. This happened regularly for most of our life, and it wasn’t until we were 24 years old that one of our protectors was finally able to break through and get our host to realize we’re a system.

We also have dealt with heavy amounts of suicidal thinking for what feels like our whole life. Our first suicide attempt was at 12 years old, and we have attempted a handful of times since then. Grappling with memory loss, traumatic flashbacks, depersonalization/derealization, severe depression and anxiety, and many of the other issues that come from complex trauma have generally made life not worth living for us. We are getting help, but we still seriously struggle to make it through each day. For us, this has come with the territory of having a complex dissociative disorder. It sounds like you may be going through something similar.

Please know that you’re not alone in your struggles and there is still hope for you! We’ve made a post on establishing contact with alters to include in this answer, and you can check it out here. Remember that it’s okay to question plurality, to wonder if your a system and to attempt to connect with alters. Even if it turns out you’re not a system, you likely will learn something about yourself in the process.

We hope this response is somewhat useful for you. Thank you so much for reaching out. We’re here for you and we wish the very best for your future, whatever that may hold! Good luck with everything, and take care!

🌸 Margo, 🖋 Cecil, and 🐢 Kip

#questioning system #suicide tw #suicidal thinking tw #long post

1 note · View note